Here’s what I did to make it easier: When you’re out of work, one of the first few things to go – besides pants – are social skills. Sitting at home, filling out applications, talking occasionally with the cat. These things are not social activities.

Instead, organize as many coffee meetings during the week as you can stomach. I’d say at least once a day, three days a week. Troll LinkedIn and Twitter for former colleagues, people who you’re interested to meet… anybody who you could hold a coffee-break conversation with. Set a time limit of 15-30 minutes or so and pick a location close to where they’ll be coming from (you’ve got time to waste, they don’t).

Not everybody will say yes, but not everybody will say no, either – and you now have the chance to make a new friend.

There’s a lot of benefit to this; first, it gets you networking with folks who may be able to help you. Second, it gets you out of the house and pants on your butt (there’s positive brain mojo related to wearing pants). Finally, it allows you to stay sociable enough to conduct an interview without coming off like a creeper or a robot.

Interviews, after all, are just organized conversations. Maybe prepare a list of questions you’d like to ask – or a list of topics you’d like to discuss with this particular individual. If it’s the first coffee meeting, you’ll probably be discussing life situations. If it’s not the first – anything is up for grabs, and you should let your coffee buddy know what to expect.

Practice asking questions, giving the most concise answers to questions as possible, and keeping good posture. Dress like a million bucks – because it’ll leave a great impression on whoever you’re having coffee with. Finally – make the conversation mostly about them by showing genuine interest and listening to the answers to their questions, rather than thinking about a reply or a follow-up. Not only will this make you seem like someone they want to help, but it’ll give you a leg up in interviews when they ask you that dreadful “Do you have any questions for us?” nonsense.

If you’re an introvert, it seems like this might be pure torture, but the time limits, the coffee (which allows for a sipping pause), and the environment of the coffee shop – combined with a bit of choosy behavior on who you reach out to – all make for an easy, bite-sized interaction with people that won’t leave you screaming for the door.

They’re the kind of trains that take 10-15 minutes to move past – and we don’t have any tunnels or bridges or ways to get around them, really.

So, today – I’m heading down the main thoroughfare and traffic stops. Not for 10 or 15 minutes.

It stops for 45 minutes.

I was on-time for a 9 AM meeting, when suddenly I wasn’t. Now, don’t worry about me – I had plenty of fun practicing for my big moment on Season 8 of Glee.

In case you’re wondering: I’ll be playing a run-away Priest, singing the only song left in the universe that they won’t have sung yet: Jewel’s Who Will Save Your Soul – belting it out while holding up a boombox outside of Quinn Fabray’s window.

Where was I? Oh yeah: the train. held hostage. an. entire. city. 

The only problem: there wasn’t a train. The crossing guard had malfunctioned. And for 45 minutes, we sat and waited for the train.

And the only thing folks could do was sit there and wait. And fume. And check their watches. And practice their Glee auditions to the dismay and delight of their neighbors.

That was, until one enterprising individual decided to break what I’m sure is a whole slew of city, state, and federal laws, and lift the arms of the cross guard so cars could pass.

An entire city brought to its knees by one malfunctioning safety measure. An entire city rescued by someone willing to break the rules. He’s fucking Batman, got it?

The economy is a lot like what happened this morning with the train. It’s like a lot of us are just sitting around waiting for the train to come. So here’s the deal: we need to break a few rules. The old rules no longer apply, because they regulated a system that no longer exists.

Now before you get all sweaty, I am not encouraging you to riot, loot, plunder, or rob banks. None of that. Here is what I want you to do: I want you to stop thinking about all the shit you can’t do – all the things you know you can’t do. That job you can’t get. That promotion you can’t have. That project you just can’t finish. I want you to change all those can’ts to will.

Day after day – we can’t do the things we need to do, and it just keeps getting worse. Nothing changes until we convince ourselves that it’s possible (or, better yet – that we don’t know it’s not possible). It starts with you. Bruce Wayne had to make the choice to put on that mask and break the rules.

Blogs, Twitter, and Facebook give you a platform for mass publication. It’s easier than ever to create something meaningful – and only you can make the choice to use the tools you’ve been given.

What are you waiting for? The Bat Signal’s lit.

Let me ask you a question.  Does the fact that Tiger was aiming for holes that weren’t on the course make him a less-proficient golfer?  If I’m hiring him to speak on marriage, maybe I pause.  If I’m hiring him to play golf (what he does), then that’s not a problem.

In today’s workplace, would you rather be an interchangeable cog, whose only real differentiation from someone else is how much you charge per year?  Or would you rather be the piece so unique and intricate that your misshapen ass barely fits into the machine?

Jessica will be the first to point out that you can be passionate and professional and unique while using social media.  Common sense dictates that unless you’re applying for a job as a dancer, stripper, or porn star, you don’t publish naked pictures online… and let’s assume for the most part that aside from the occasional stupid mistake, most people are “within reason”.

If you’re muting your personality to the point where 70% of your interactions are “strictly business related”, you’re not being the real you, now are you?

What happens if you only present 30% of yourself when you’re 100% douchebag? (bad for the company)  Or 100% pure awesome? (bad for your job search)

Either way you are a liar, you’re ruining the economy and you’re an idiot.  And you’re going to keep being a liar until you’re 100% you – the only you there is.

Tiger is a good example of personal branding gone wrong.  He does what he loves, no qualms about it.  Occasionally, he f*cks up.  Personal Branding made it worse – he couldn’t be professional “Tiger” and honest, truthful “Tiger” at the same time.  He’s still Gandhi on the golf course.  Some day, he’ll remember who he is and that you can’t be sane and two people at once.

Your professional self is your personal self, one in the same, one person, growing over time.

What kind of company would want to hire someone they knew only 30% about?  What kind of company would penalize you for having a complete, unabashed social media presence if you were a wizard at your profession?  Why do we reward people who want to work for a company that only wants 30% of us?

For Men, the fashion-based interview killers are:

1. No tie (52% say fire)
2. No jacket (50% say fire)
3. Chinos (50% say fire)
4. Polo shirts (66% say fire)
5. Jeans (82% say fire)
6. T shirts (88% say fire)
7. Leather jackets (70% say fire)

Leather Jackets and T-shirts are reasonable – no one should be so casual unless it’s requested.  But no tie?  No jacket?  Polo shirts?  Please.  The expectations on women are even worse – check out those high %’s!

1. Short skirt (60% say fire)
2. Low necklines (95% say fire)
3. Sports shoes (91% say fire)
4. Dangling jewelery (99% say fire)
5. Bare legs (94% say fire)
6. Big shoulder pads – ala 80′s style – (97% of bosses say big shoulder pads are wrong for interview)

Okay, so Andy had one more figure from the survey which confirms my “daft prick” theory.  “95% of interviewers said orange was an inappropriate colour to wear to an interview, with red (84%) and pink (83%) coming in closely behind orange.”

Pink is many women’s favorite color and, to my knowledge, has never been considered “not businesslike”.  If it’s good enough for the First Lady, it’s good enough for a freakin’ job interview.  Not to mention pink is increasingly promoted as an alternate to white in Men’s fashion.  Red has always been a color associated with confidence, something which is important to demonstrate on an interview.  You’re telling me that 83-84% of you morons would think less of a brilliant prospective employee for wearing pink or red?  Moreover, if a woman shows bare leg, as opposed to wearing tights, 94% of you would turn her away?

Time the hell out, you spoiled, soft-brained, suspender-wearing morons.

Are you really so shallow that the best loser wearing the “perfect suit and tie” will get a job over a more qualified, better suited, better matched, but less fashionable prospective?  This is why our economy SUCKS.  This is why only 20% of 2009′s graduating class got jobs after applying.  This is why 71% of those under 30 want to flee their current jobs when the economy recovers.  When the “Best dressed moron” gets a job over someone who is better suited to the job, your company loses and good people get disheartened and go jobless.  Your company languishes, destitute while the more qualified, yet un-hired prospect wastes more productive time appealing to the “better natures” of other daft pricks.

Screw you, corporate world.

You want the economy to recover?  Let’s start simple.  Stop looking down on people for what they wear – I’d take a talented hobo dressed in soiled clothing ANY DAY over a well-dressed, but arrogant know-nothing Harvard business grad.  I’d take an artsy, hippie-styled graphic artist in thrift-store clothing who would fit the position better over a suit-and-tie designer with 20 years experience and an excellent resume.  Dress codes encourage conformity – conformity discourages creativity – no creativity = no innovation, growth, or profitable future.

Every business must catch up and realize that shallow, vapid lusting over well-dressed candidates at the expense of better-suited but less fashionable candidates has facilitated our current economic problems.  Until then, we’ll keep on putting our talents to use at more enlightened companies where the hiring managers aren’t shallow, daft pricks.