Perception: Not just for ugly people at bars anymore…
One of the most important things to learn about communication is that perception is reality. Perceptions – especially negative ones – are self-perpetuating. Particularly if you’re not actively managing others’ perceptions of you.
How the hell do you do that? You just learned that you have to kind of treat people nicely, you know – that golden rule bull… now you have to actually work on something? You have to manage something? Dude, you just flip burgers, get real!
That could be the reason why you’re flipping burgers rather than making six figures. I could be wrong. But think about it – you wouldn’t want to dress in a suit and carry around an iPod with you if you were begging for money.
Let’s look at an example.
Two guys take out their dates. Guy #1 takes his date to a fun dinner, picked up the tab, and followed up with a round of bumper carts and then on to a bar to dance. Guy #2 takes his date straight to the bar, has to call a cab, and pukes on his date’s shoes after dancing in the street and hip-bumping random hookers. Which guy was managing his perceptions better?
Guy #1 is a sure thing. But, if guy #2 is somehow lucky enough to convince his date he’s not a raving alcoholic, he just might get lucky. Girls love flawed guys. Who knew?
By all counts, Guy #1 did a better job. But this demonstrates the fundamental flaw in communications: people hear and see whatever is important to them (whatever they want). Some girls like projects – fixer-uper-types. So Guy #2 isn’t necessarily out of the running just because in comparison to Guy #2, Guy #1 looks like a freakin Knight in White Armor.
Business is exactly the same way. Always know your audience.
A Thought Experiment
Guys, you remember meeting your first girlfriend’s dad? Or if you were that girlfriend… and you remember when your dad showed us his gun collection, the heads of previous boyfriends he’d already hunted into extinction, and the prized trophy spot over the mantle for the man who’d eventually take his precious daughter’s virginity?
This is what is known as a managed perception. Even though your dad may not actually work for the CIA, FBI or have his bounty-hunter’s license… he still haunts our dreams to this very day and is the reason that any balloon pop or Pringles can opening causes us to duck and cover. This was a man who knew his audience.
Through a combination of tone of voice, eye contact, body language, and word choice, you present a perception of yourself. Your messages in a work environment have to be incredibly picky. In today’s society, even the slightest hint of attention towards a co-worker could be strewn as a sexual advance and you could find yourself with a boss, a HR manager, or a judge looking at you the same way your first girlfriend’s dad did…
The golden rule comes into play, but differences in communication styles can make this difficult – everybody knows about the close-talker from Seinfeld. Well, there’s also the toucher, the hugger, the must-always-eat-garlic-before-public-encounters, and the guy who smiles all the time for no reason, and more. PS – there’s a reason. He’s psychotic. If someone doesn’t want to be touched, don’t touch them. Simple as that. Apologize when you misspeak or overstep a boundary and choose your words for your audience.
Stick to the trifecta: transparency, conciseness, and humanity.
Don’t fake anything – except for confidence. People who have answers and are confident in them tend to be seen as “knowledgeable”. A little dose of faked confidence (not cockiness) can go a long way towards helping your perceptions.
It’s still up to you to listen, but… you no longer have to actually care
The importance of managing your perceptions is clear – if people think you are successful, they will want to work with you more and more. If people think you are not successful, you end up waiting in line for soup wondering how you’re going to afford your rent.
It doesn’t actually matter how successful you really are (or at least, it doesn’t matter much…) Whatever people think tends to be what people know. To bastardize a quote from one of my favorite movies – five hundred years ago, Columbus knew the world was flat. Not to long ago, we knew Firefly would never get canceled after only one season.
Well, both of those things turned out not to be true. But for the longest time, people believed in them as if they were. Imagine someone thinks you’re just the biggest bitch to ever grace the world. Maybe you are. But maybe, the boss is looking for someone with a nice and smiling face to lead that new sales team. If the perception of you is that you are a bitch, you’re not exactly going to be first on the list.
Perceptions can change in an instant with one big, well-thought gesture, or they can be permanent. I am perpetually 15 minutes late wherever I go. No matter what, always 15 minutes late. I can’t fight it, it’s just the way it is. My friends have a perception of me that will never, ever change – because I have so consistently appeared 15 minutes late to every single event I’ve ever attended, it’s something that is just expected of me. Even if I show up to the next 100 things 10 minutes early, I’ll still be expected to be 15 minutes late and every one of those 100 times will be greeted with, “Oh, look who’s early!”. But my friends are bastards, so what do you expect?
First impressions are key. Just take the lessons you learned from your first girlfriend’s dad (or your dad, girlfriends), and apply it to your professional life. If nothing else, you’ll at least be the scariest s-o-b in the office and no one will eat your food from the refrigerator. Or you could project an image of being a hard worker or… nice… or whatever. Whatever floats your boat.
Since I haven’t said it yet – but it is somewhat important, if unnecessary to say – appearance plays a big role in perceptions. Look good, dress the part – you’ll be taken more seriously than if you don’t. Simple.
Remember that this is just a primer – if you want to actually get good at this stuff, you have to read up and practice as much as you can. Don’t just take my word for it – there are plenty of books out there to read. So get on it and let me know if I missed something. Or not. I don’t really care what you have to say, because I’m probably right.
See? Perception managed.
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Psychotic Resumes 101
Psychotic Resumes is a Gen-Y (Millennial) job survival guide created by Nick Armstrong to help new professionals build stronger resumes and cover letters so they can find a better job. It's our goal to help Gen-Y do better at interviews and on the job, promoting strong leadership, entrepreneurship, and common sense.
Managing Perceptions
One of the most important things to learn about communication is that perception is reality. Perceptions – especially negative ones – are self-perpetuating. Particularly if you’re not actively managing others’ perceptions of you.
How the hell do you do that? You just learned that you have to kind of treat people nicely, you know – that golden rule bull… now you have to actually work on something? You have to manage something? Dude, you just flip burgers, get real!
That could be the reason why you’re flipping burgers rather than making six figures. I could be wrong. But think about it – you wouldn’t want to dress in a suit and carry around an iPod with you if you were begging for money.
Let’s look at an example.
Two guys take out their dates. Guy #1 takes his date to a fun dinner, picked up the tab, and followed up with a round of bumper carts and then on to a bar to dance. Guy #2 takes his date straight to the bar, has to call a cab, and pukes on his date’s shoes after dancing in the street and hip-bumping random hookers. Which guy was managing his perceptions better?
Guy #1 is a sure thing. But, if guy #2 is somehow lucky enough to convince his date he’s not a raving alcoholic, he just might get lucky. Girls love flawed guys. Who knew?
By all counts, Guy #1 did a better job. But this demonstrates the fundamental flaw in communications: people hear and see whatever is important to them (whatever they want). Some girls like projects – fixer-uper-types. So Guy #2 isn’t necessarily out of the running just because in comparison to Guy #2, Guy #1 looks like a freakin Knight in White Armor.
Business is exactly the same way. Always know your audience.
Guys, you remember meeting your first girlfriend’s dad? Or if you were that girlfriend… and you remember when your dad showed us his gun collection, the heads of previous boyfriends he’d already hunted into extinction, and the prized trophy spot over the mantle for the man who’d eventually take his precious daughter’s virginity?
This is what is known as a managed perception. Even though your dad may not actually work for the CIA, FBI or have his bounty-hunter’s license… he still haunts our dreams to this very day and is the reason that any balloon pop or Pringles can opening causes us to duck and cover. This was a man who knew his audience.
Through a combination of tone of voice, eye contact, body language, and word choice, you present a perception of yourself. Your messages in a work environment have to be incredibly picky. In today’s society, even the slightest hint of attention towards a co-worker could be strewn as a sexual advance and you could find yourself with a boss, a HR manager, or a judge looking at you the same way your first girlfriend’s dad did…
The golden rule comes into play, but differences in communication styles can make this difficult – everybody knows about the close-talker from Seinfeld. Well, there’s also the toucher, the hugger, the must-always-eat-garlic-before-public-encounters, and the guy who smiles all the time for no reason, and more. PS – there’s a reason. He’s psychotic. If someone doesn’t want to be touched, don’t touch them. Simple as that. Apologize when you misspeak or overstep a boundary and choose your words for your audience.
Stick to the trifecta: transparency, conciseness, and humanity.
Don’t fake anything – except for confidence. People who have answers and are confident in them tend to be seen as “knowledgeable”. A little dose of faked confidence (not cockiness) can go a long way towards helping your perceptions.
It doesn’t actually matter how successful you really are (or at least, it doesn’t matter much…) Whatever people think tends to be what people know. To bastardize a quote from one of my favorite movies – five hundred years ago, Columbus knew the world was flat. Not to long ago, we knew Firefly would never get canceled after only one season.
Well, both of those things turned out not to be true. But for the longest time, people believed in them as if they were. Imagine someone thinks you’re just the biggest bitch to ever grace the world. Maybe you are. But maybe, the boss is looking for someone with a nice and smiling face to lead that new sales team. If the perception of you is that you are a bitch, you’re not exactly going to be first on the list.
Perceptions can change in an instant with one big, well-thought gesture, or they can be permanent. I am perpetually 15 minutes late wherever I go. No matter what, always 15 minutes late. I can’t fight it, it’s just the way it is. My friends have a perception of me that will never, ever change – because I have so consistently appeared 15 minutes late to every single event I’ve ever attended, it’s something that is just expected of me. Even if I show up to the next 100 things 10 minutes early, I’ll still be expected to be 15 minutes late and every one of those 100 times will be greeted with, “Oh, look who’s early!”. But my friends are bastards, so what do you expect?
Since I haven’t said it yet – but it is somewhat important, if unnecessary to say – appearance plays a big role in perceptions. Look good, dress the part – you’ll be taken more seriously than if you don’t. Simple.
Remember that this is just a primer – if you want to actually get good at this stuff, you have to read up and practice as much as you can. Don’t just take my word for it – there are plenty of books out there to read. So get on it and let me know if I missed something. Or not. I don’t really care what you have to say, because I’m probably right.
See? Perception managed.