Psychotic Resumes - A Gen-Y (Millennial) Job Search, Resume, Cover Letter, Interview, Business Ethics, and Entrepreneurship Survival Guide

Stooping

By Nick Armstrong | Published: October 1, 2008

Isn’t This What We Pay Minions For?

It should go without saying that being at the top numbs you to certain duties you might have performed on your way up.

Maybe, though, you’re a young professional. And you are being asked to go outside your area of expertise on a project – or to pitch in in an area you’re not all that familiar with or that, frankly, is beneath you.

Well, never fear, Vader. So long as it’s not a permanent change, you should really do it anyway…

It’s a perfect way to expand your skillset. Or maybe impress your boss. Or help your friend. In all seriousness, though – you should at the very least consider it. I’m serious! There’s no better way to impress people than to replace the paper towels in the bathroom, retrieve a heavy box from a top shelf for that short co-worker, learn particle physics to fix the LHC before the winter…

Okay, so maybe you can use the force for those menial tasks. But, looking at those more challenging tasks, what if you discover something you like doing – like figuring out the Search Engine Optimization if you’re a Web Programmer, effectively turning yourself into a Web Marketer for a day. Don’t like doing it? Still a skill you can add to your resume…

You never know how who you help and what you do will turn around and help you out in the long run, so go for it!

Persistence

By Nick Armstrong | Published: September 30, 2008

I Didn’t Know What Mortality Was Until I Bought A Wii Fit

Okay, so maybe that’s not a fair statement to make. But look, every time I get on the damn thing I think I’m gonna die.

You know what though? I’ve been watching the graph fluctuate. I know my fat-ass needs to lose some weight. I know that the longer I spend on it, the more that graph dips. And I know that after I get on it for about 30 minutes a day, seven days a week, after I stop feeling like I want to die, I feel much better.

I may sound bitter. I am. I can’t believe that I’m in my early 20’s and I need to exercise every day and can’t gorge myself on Chipotle burritos every day and still live to be at least 30. So, why do I get on that white board of death every single day? Because I know the consequences if I don’t. Americans are getting fatter and fatter and there’s no end (at least, not the kind that I wanna see) in sight. Thinking about becoming a doctor? You should, you very well may be supporting 66% of the American population when they become obese adults.

Or worse, when they develop obesity related diseases, like diabetes, heart disease… well, you’ll be rolling in the dough.

Don’t take it personal if I try to keep your wallet a few dollars skinnier, though.

You might be wondering – how do I tie this back into the workplace? Well, because, much like your health… your motivation to do well every day at work has long-reaching consequences. If I don’t work out every day, I’m going to get fatter and fatter and then… well, you won’t have as many articles to look forward to from me. If you don’t work well at work every day, you won’t be able to afford the internet to view my articles.

Your motivation can sometimes be as simple as setting yourself a mediocre goal: Don’t get diabetes. Don’t die in a state that requires a crane as a pallbearer. Don’t get fired.

The sad reality is that most people just think they will be okay even by not setting these goals. They don’t have persistence. And what’s worse is that, even if you do try for those mediocre goals, it’s only human to sometimes fail. I have to face the possibility that even if I do everything right… I may still get diabetes. I may still be overweight. You may still get fired.

That’s the thing about being fired, though. And having diabetes. The simple fact that you *are* something – anything besides dead – means that you have another chance to make it right… or at least do something about it. So… screw up today – get back on it tomorrow. Even if it makes you feel like death.

Posted in General Ideas | Tagged Failure, Persistence | Leave a comment

Know Your Enemy

By Nick Armstrong | Published: September 26, 2008

Guess What Happens if you get an A?

The best way to get a read on if your resume will do well is to be preemptive. Do your homework. Investigate HR sites and see what they consider annoying. You might never know if your “sly compliment” was actually interpreted as a sexual advance… and they will most certainly never say so. If you never knew that “love” was not an acceptable thing to call your interviewer, you might be prone to making that mistake if you were, say, a swashbuckling Englishman with a taste for women and employment. But people still tend to do it anyway. And why? All they had to do was read the blogs of the people that were going to hire them.

You can generally avoid stupid mistakes (or at least big pet peeves) by visiting the blogs and websites of the people who are actually reading your resume and cover letter, the ones who are actually doing the interview with you, and so on. They, like everyone else, tend to spill the beans on the worst of the worst that they encounter. While it may seem only like common sense to not flirt like a drunken sailor, make eyes like a Hooters girl or beg for a job like a junkie searching for his next fix… people still do it.

Hiring managers, also sometimes known as “HR” (they tend to conglomerate together in something called a ‘Department’ and make rules about things and make you watch those awkward videos about places you can’t touch…) are usually the ones to read your resume and call you back for an interview. So, to help you out, I’ll list some of my new favorites here that look at things from the opposite side of the cover letter:

I Hate HR – very well written and concise. A lot of HR-specific content, but good tips and hints here and there to make the read worthwhile for a job seeker.
Not Hired – hilarious doesn’t quite cut it when talking about this site. They find the worst of the worst resumes/cover letters/etc… a definite must-read.
Important Elements of Resume Writing – multiple points of interest in this article in particular, and on a few of the other articles on this site. Good place to get info.

Read through those sites… enjoy it… and then realize the most important thing you can ever realize about job searching: you are your own worst enemy. The HR people… they’re allies in disguise.

Posted in Communication Ideas, Cover Letter Ideas, General Ideas, Resume Ideas | Tagged blame game, Interviews, resumes, Workplace | Leave a comment

Focus

By Nick Armstrong | Published: September 26, 2008

Please Leave Your Sticky Note With Al Gore…

These days, if you’re a talented individual, everyone will want your help on one thing or another. This happens all the time at the workplace.

I mean, just look at Al Gore. Some enterprising young fellow who didn’t want to do his Environmental Studies homework offered Mr. Gore $50 and the opportunity… and now we have all sorts of inconvenient truths out there.

So, short of hiring Al Gore as your personal office assistant and focus-keeper-pro-tempore (believe me, he rules with an iron fist), what can you do to make sure that the tasks you are finishing are… well, the ones you’re supposed to be finishing? I mean, honestly, when you’re being inundated by a flood of requests, what can save you? How do you keep your focus without letting down your co-workers? Can you finish what you’re supposed to be doing without becoming your office’s version of Dwight?

Yes! But you must make goals!

When it comes down to it – only you and your boss know which tasks are the ones you need to finish first. Unfortunately, no career exists in a vacuum (metaphorically, speaking of course). If you don’t help your co-workers with a task every now and then, they definitely will return the favor by not helping you out when you desperately need one of their skills. Not even Al Gore can save you, then.

Create a task list – simple goals that will help you achieve the results you need while not alienating your co-workers. Remember – visit my Goals page to find out more information on creating SMART goals. You want to set a timeline for each task on the list – including estimated time to complete with some “give” – usually an hour or two. You should also set a priority for each task on the list, including your co-worker’s tasks. If you have time left over, help your co-workers out – after all, they might be able to help you out with your projects. If not, tell them when you will have time to help them and ask for them to come back at that time – this is called skillful rejection. You’re telling them “no, not right now”. But what they hear is, “yes, I’ll help you very soon”.

Be honest about your time constraints – both with your boss and with your co-workers. If you honestly think your time can be better spent helping out a co-worker with their problem than on yours, don’t be afraid to say so (gently – remember, they’re still the boss and can override you). If you can’t finish a task in the time allotted, ask for more resources or more time. Sometimes you won’t get either, but if you can learn the art of “skillful rejection” with your co-workers, you’ll have most of the time you need.

Utilize your time as best you can by making sure you understand all the problems in front of you – five more minutes gathering information can save you a lot of time in the long run. Taking longer in person to “gather requirements”, so to speak, can save you hours-long chains of e-mails.

Once you have your task list and have given each one a priority, bust on down through your list and re-evaluate priorities and time needed after each completed task. (You can even high-five Al Gore if you want). Time management is a difficult skill to master – but keep practicing!

Did I miss something? Let me know by commenting!